Randomszxc

Hey! New blogger here.

Before I begin, I’ll just let everyone know that this is MY blog, MY thoughts so I’ll write whatever’s on my mind.

Random thoughts have been bothering me this past few weeks. Or maybe for the past 5 months. I’ve been reading books, articles and the like about moving on (note: I am a hopeless romantic). It’s been more than a year since I saw him in person. Kinulit ko pa siya nun para lang pumunta sa debut ko (may pagkadesperada na ako nun) because I’m really longing to see him. I’m afraid to admit that I really missed him a lot. Mas ginusto ko siyang makasama kaysa sa mga kaibigan at kabarkada ko nun.

Then the next day, I felt that he’s in love but not with me. Ouch! Medyo masakit pero totoo. I opened this sa kaibigan kong lagi kong kachat. Next thing I knew, sila na nung girl. Ano nga bang laban ko sa girl na yun? Nakakababa ng self – esteem. Seriously. That was the time na naisip ko, “Anong meron siya na wala ako?” “Is there a problem with me?” “I thought he could wait.” Then I realize, he never cared nga pala since magkasama pa kami. Yung feeling na, I was the one who gave much effort para lang makita siya.

I’m not bitter. Hindi ako bitter dun sa girl. Hindi rin ako bitter dun sa guy. Naiirita lang ako sa sarili ko kasi hindi ko alam kung bakit hindi ako bitter. Everytime I say, “Masaya na sila dun eh.” I never wanted to sound sarcastic. Hindi ako naniniwala sa FOREVER pero hindi ko sinasabing magbebreak din sila kasi malay mo may LIFETIME sila.

To cut my story short, umasa ako sa kanya. Kahit one year and a half na akong nagpakatanga kasi akala ko tatanungin nya ulit ako.

AT LEAST… I have this realization in life:

First, if ever he would ask me again (kahit pabiro lang) if he could court me, am I ready? No. I realized I’m not ready to any commit into any relationship. I do believe in LIFETIME but not now. May nagtanong nga sa’kin na if ever maging kami nung crush ko ngayon, ayos lang daw ba? Ang sagot ko, hindi pa. Crush ko lang yun. I’m not ready to any commitment. Hinihiling ko na yung magiging boyfriend ko, yun na yung magiging last ko which he agreed yet sabi niya near impossible na daw yun. I don’t care. Yun lang naman yung gusto ko. Hindi kailangan magkatotoo at least lang may pinaniniwalaan ako.